Road To Parenthood
by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage
Summary: The story of Will and Emma's road to parenthood. The struggles, the pain, the joy and everything that might come with it. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Hi All!

Here I am with a brandnew fic, starting in the summer of 2013, after Will and Emma got married... and... well... basically it's the road to parenthood, the obstacles they might face, especially when it comes to Emma's OCD, etc. etc. I hope you'll enjoy it! The next few chapters might take a while, though, seeing as I am moving out at the moment, and chapter three is currently at my beta for checking.

Happy reading, please R&R and many thanks to my beta **WritteninCrayon**!

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It was the summer of 2013 and a soft breeze came through the open bedroom window, playing with the drawn curtains in front of it. It was late in the evening, yet several people were outside, playing with water, desperately trying to cool themselves off, or were hosting a party which would continue until the small hours of the morning, just until the sun began to rise again, leaving the streets of Lima to warm up at a fast rate, and people to stay indoors yet again for the rest of the day. It was one of the longest heatwaves to occur in the history of Lima, Ohio, and it didn't seem to be ending anytime soon, something which I did not like at all.

It was supposed to be a nice summer, and in my opinion, not so hot like it was now. It was almost unbearable and the amount of sweat covering my and Will's body was almost more than I could handle. Sure, we had been in positions when layers of sweat on our bodies had been avoidable, but in those cases, I had chosen it for myself and I had to admit that I could not really deny Will making love to me. It was simply amazing, and to think about missing out on him; missing him touching me and making me feel so good, was something I did not like doing. And besides, it was different, somehow. That sweat could be washed off. Now that would only be counterproductive, seeing as it would return almost immediately after leaving the shower. I sighed. Maybe this was good for me. If I wasn't going to have panic attacks about how filthy I was every single minute of the day, then surely, I could handle children, couldn't I?

I sighed. I had spoken to Dr. Shane a lot of times about how children could affect me and talked at lengths about every single risk; what I needed to do and just talking in general to get myself to get ready for pregnancy and motherhood. I had always known that I wanted to have children, and now that Will and I had finally been married for a couple of months, I had decided to at least try to go and live without medicine as they, (as I had read and Dr. Shane had confirmed), were not allowed to be used while being pregnant.

They would gradually lower my already low dose, until I didn't have to take them anymore, before I could get pregnant. It was something I hadn't discussed with my husband yet, at least not in these details, but as I stood in their bedroom doorway, watching him read a book, I figured that I should tell him now. I needed Will to be there for me; to have him know that I could relapse every now and then, because of me lowering my medication, that I needed his support so that it would not take that long for us to go and try to get pregnant. The sooner I got through this, without too many relapses, the sooner we could start. I had recently turned 34 and I did not have time to wait that much longer. I had to get in action now, I needed this to work out properly. I wanted children so badly and knew Will wanted them as well and that waiting would not be good. At least, not for me, because I knew Will would be willing to wait until I was ready.

'Will?' His name left my lips as I walked towards our bed and climbed onto it, before settling myself next to him.

'Yeah?' He lowered his book and watched me, smiling, not knowing that what I was about to tell him, could change our lives.

'Can we talk for a moment?' I bit my lip anxiously, while he put down the book on the nightstand next to him and looked at me curiously.

'Of course. You don't want to watch the news then?' He frowned, while I smiled, still biting my lip, and shaking my head.

'Not today.' It was a rare occurrence to say the least, but I knew that I had to get this over with. I was having an appointment with Dr. Shane in a few days again and it would have been nice if I had the time to think about it all again, just for a few days, after I had spoken to Will.

'Okay.' He moved slightly, so that he was able to look at me better; was able to sense my emotions better, while I shyly looked up at him.

'Well… You know that we've spoken about having children a few times, right?' I started. I looked at him, eyes slightly wider than normal due to my nervousness, while he nodded in confusion. It did not help that didn't have any idea where I was going.

'We have,' he said slowly. I nodded again, fumbling with my nightie unknowingly, before I continued.

'Well… I have been talking to Dr. Shane about that… a lot of times now. Because… well… I know you want children and I know and you know that I want that as well… and I wasn't quite ready for that before… and well… it's not like I am ready now and I doubt that I will ever be fully ready… but I do think that I'm almost as ready as I can ever be for something so… life-changing.' I was still toying with my nightie, while I was watching him. Confusion was still written all over his face, but I knew he was trying his best to follow where I was going.

'So you're like… almost ready to… well… try?' Will asked. I nodded, and I could see a smile forming at his lips.

'Almost, yes… because… well… that's another thing I was talking to Dr. Shane about. I mean… I… want to try… but I can't right now and that's why… well… I'm almost ready. You see… I don't know if I ever told you this but… I can't take my medicine while being pregnant. Well… I could, but I don't want to bring any child of mine into the world drugged, cause they're so used to my medication that they have to kick off and… well… I couldn't do that to them… ever. And… well… we've been talking about lowering the dose gradually until I'm able to stop and when that happens… we can start trying but… well… you needed to know that and…' I wasn't quite sure about how to continue, so I looked down. Will, however, was not pleased with this turn of events, and placed his finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.

'It's okay, Em. I know you couldn't do such thing. And if you've talked at lengths to Dr. Shane about this, and you've both come to the decision to quit medicine, I'm positive that you'll be able to do such thing, despite how hard it might get at times. You know I'll be here to support you, right? I won't leave your side and I'll do everything I can to make this easier on you, okay?' I smiled and nodded, before snuggling against him.

'Thank you. I'm going to need that.' I felt him smile as he placed a kiss on my head, and felt the need to smile myself.

'When are you going to start lowering the dose?' he asked. I sighed. 'Soon, I guess. I have a meeting with Dr. Shane in a few days and then we're going to talk about when to start. I'm almost through my stash, so I guess we're going to try and lower the dose now. I don't want to wait that long, actually… because… you know… I'm not getting younger and the risks are getting higher the longer we wait… and well… I really would like to have a child with you.' I blushed, as he smiled.

'I would love to have a child with you as well, but no pressure, okay? Your wellbeing comes first.' I nodded again, slowly.

'I know that, but we'll see what Dr. Shane thinks, okay?' Will nodded as well, and placed a kiss on my head again, before smiling.

'Okay.' I smiled at him, while he lowered them down and wrapped his arms around my body.

'Goodnight Will,' I whispered, pleased with how things had turned out.

'Goodnight, Em.'


	2. Chapter 2

Omg. Thank you so much for all those reviews! I never had this many reviews for one chapter and it made me so so happy! I'm truly sorry it took so long to update this fic, but seeing as I moved out of my parents' house, had some personal problems and so on... I was quite busy. But here it is, chapter two! Written from Will's POV this time, and in case I forgot to mention it... I have no inspiration or whatsoever for 'Our Journey', though I'll continue it when it all returns.

Thanks for all your patience, many thanks to my beta, [b]WrittenInCrayon[/b], thanks again to my reviewers (MrsWemmaMorrison, Guest, r0ckgal, ma1teo and iluvwillschuester) and please enjoy (and review) this chapter!

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Maybe it was needless to say, but I was honestly worried about Emma. Ever since she told me that she was going to lower her medication in order to prepare for pregnancy, I could only sense her nervousness. She had said that she was fine and I knew she was partly lying about it, but I wasn't going to question it. That wouldn't help and I guessed that she would talk to me when she was ready. Besides, she had her appointment with Dr. Shane today, so if she had doubts, I was sure she would discuss it with her therapist. She knew I was putting her wellbeing first, and that I really wanted her to be comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant and being without medication for months, so I hoped she would listen to it.

I sighed, while I plopped on the couch, awaiting her return. It was torture; not knowing what was going on; not knowing what was going to happen. Sure, I wanted children. I've always wanted children, and children with Emma would be nothing short of amazing. But still. It would be hard for her. She was doing so well now, and I could only hope that she would be able to continue her progress, even if it would be with smaller steps than she would've taken with medicine. I only hoped that I would be able to stand by her side and help her out with whatever relapses she might get. I hoped that she wouldn't shut me out, downplay everything, while she and I both knew that it was worse than she let it appear.

Time would tell, I figured, but that still didn't ease my worries. I sighed, wishing she would have let me come with her. I could only do so much in this house, with the heat-wave still going through Lima, I already did all that I could think of doing. A salad for dinner stood ready made in the fridge, the house was already clean. Reading a book, watching the television or even thinking up songs for the Glee club to sing in the upcoming year, were activities, for which I couldn't find the concentration to do. I would stare unseeing at the screen, the letters, or the blank paper, pen still in hand, while my mind would, always, be with Emma.

I didn't know how much time had passed since I sat down on the couch, until that moment. I heard her keys outside the door before they were even in the lock, which caused me to sit up straight. I tried not to look at the door too much, as it would betray how much I had missed her and how worried I was about her, but I guess I couldn't help it. My gaze was locked on her, as she walked in the door, dropping her keys into the bowl, before meeting my gaze.

'Hey,' I said, trying not to look too worried. She did look a bit relieved, but there was something else as well; something I couldn't pinpoint, as she offered a small smile and slowly walked towards me, before sitting down on the couch.

'Hi.' I turned on the couch so that I could face her better, still wondering how it went.

'How did it go?' I seriously hoped that I didn't sound too eager. I just wanted to know how it had gone; whether she was okay or not.

'I don't know.' What kind of answer was that? What was I supposed to make of it? I knew Emma wasn't that good, or comfortable maybe, at voicing her feelings, but an "I don't know" was something even I did not expect from her, and I've known her so well for so long.

'I mean… it was okay, I guess… but…' but what? Was it going to take longer than expected? I knew I could handle that. I would wait as long as she needed for her to be comfortable with the idea. She knew that. I had told her that so many times.

'Apparently I didn't listen well enough last time.' I frowned, yet did not speak. This was unlike Emma in a way, but on the other hand, it could so be her. If she was so focused on something, she might have only heard what she wanted to hear. I supposed this was one of those cases again.

'Apparently, she told me that… she would talk to my GP, and maybe to a gynaecologist, about it, and if he or they would agree, we would talk about lowering my medication and about when it would happen.' I heard her sigh, and it broke my heart that she refused to look at me. She obviously was afraid about something, worried maybe, and didn't have the heart to look me into the eye, because it was already hard enough for her to confess.

'And they have come to a conclusion that it would not be a good idea to lower my dose, or to quit.' She sighed heavily, and I laid my hand on hers. She needed to know that I would be there for her, no matter what.

'She said that… well… now I've settled on a dose… which isn't even that high, but on the lower side… it would be better not to quit, if I want to get pregnant. It could all get worse, when I quit, and it's possible already that my OCD would go into overdrive when I'm pregnant.' She shook her head and bit her lip. I didn't know what to do or say, besides hold her hand, stroke the skin of the back of it, while I listened to her speak.

'I… can get pregnant now… if I want to… but… you know… when we're really going to try… and when I fall pregnant… I will need a lot of appointments to see how it's going; how I'm coping with it… maybe some additional therapy, but more behaviour wise. But I don't know… if I could do that to a child of mine. It's so risky.' She seemed so down; so broken, and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms, tell her it'd all be okay, but I figured she needed to get it all out first.

'Did they tell you… what kind of risks it would have?' She nodded slowly, still not meeting my gaze.

'Nothing lingering, apparently. They have done some studies on it… and if they show symptoms, they'd be gone after a day or two… but… they might be slower to react than normal babies on those days… not start eating right away, or have tremors or stuff like that. Nothing lingering, but just the idea…' She shook her head again, resting her head in her free hand, while the other was still in mine.

'And I thought I would have more time to get used to the idea,' she mumbled. I bit my lip, before pulling her closer; into my arms.

'Oh Em,' I sighed. 'You know you can have more time. Don't ever feel pressured about it, okay? I'm more than willing to wait, as long as you're comfortable.' I rubbed her back, stroked her hand, not knowing how to otherwise comfort her.

'But what if I'll never be ready? You want this so badly…' She sounded so weak, so broken; it broke my heart. What did I ever do to deserve her? I didn't know, but I could only admire the woman next to me, trying to be strong, to give me what I'd wanted for years.

'At the moment, there is nothing I want more than to be loved by you, and for you to feel comfortable. One step at a time, sweetheart. Let's jump this hurdle first, before we start worrying about anything else, including the fact that you might not ever be ready enough. And… well… if that'd be the case, I don't mind. I've got you, okay? As long as we're both happy, and as long as we're together, I have what I want. Don't ever doubt that, Em, okay?' It was a moment of silence, and for a second I started to worry again, but then she made it all go away, even if it was just for a moment, with one word.

'Okay.'


	3. Chapter 3

Oh. My. God. Thank you SO SO much for all those reviews I got. 8! That's more than I've ever gotten and it makes me so happy that people are reading and loving this story! It makes me feel truly guilty for letting you wait so long for an update, but work and - mostly - my health are really in the way of everything, leaving me too tired to write. It might take a while for me to upload the next chapter, because however that one is finished, I want to finish chapter 5 before uploading chapter four. So bear with me 3 For occassional updates on the writing progress, please visit my tumblr (inekepp dot tumblr dot com). Reactions there, prompts or whatever can be left there as well, as well as questions or ideas for how you guys this story should continue. I might use them!

Anyway, thanks **Guest**, **iluvwillschuester**, **MrsWemmaMorrison**, **wemmagleek719**, **Ember411**, **wemmalove17**, **MrsEleanorLovett** and **ma1teo** for responding and many thanks as well to my Beta **WrittenInCrayon**.

Enjoy this chapter and please R&R!

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I never knew what on earth I did to deserve this man, why he could ever want someone like me, but he kept proving again and again how much he loved me and he kept showing how much he cared about me and wanted me to be at ease. I had taken over the reins once more; setting the pace of our relationship once again, as he showed, by doing that, that he really didn't want to pressure me into children. Somehow, it made me feel guilty. I knew he wanted them, even if he claimed that having me was good enough for him. Children would only be an added bonus.

But it wasn't just him who wanted them. I wanted them as well. I've always wanted to be a mother, to have children of my own and Will was the only man I could see that happening with. I was still scared of the pregnancy, of being in labour, and whatever effects my medicine would have on my children. I still found it cruel to inflict such damage on my children, or pain, if that was a better word for it. And yet, despite everything, I still wanted a bundle of joy of my own, to love and to cherish. And, maybe secretly, to prove to my parents that I could be a mother, despite everything they had said.

We took it slowly. I spoke at lengths with Dr. Shane about pregnancy, babies, the risks and what it all might cost and listened intently this time. Every Wednesday, I went with Will to the hospital, to sing for those sick, little children. Every time I held a little one, especially those under the age of four, I could see Will looking at me, beaming with pride. It made me feel happy; worthy. It gave me hope, made me feel more secure about everything. It made me feel like I wanted to start trying.

I spoke to Dr. Shane about this as well. She encouraged me, but still subtly reminded me of everything that could happen. I knew that. It was engraved into my mind. I wanted support; needed support, but I knew I could do this with the help of professionals and Will. It had taken months to get me this far, and I knew that I was going to be able to do this. At least once, anyway, depending on how I responded to all of this.

I only told Will that I wanted to try, on a day when we were in bed. He was placing kisses all over my body; my fingers tangled in his hair, while my eyes slipped close. Occasionally, our lips met and a fight for domination would begin, but that would only last for a couple of seconds, as we were constantly distracted by other parts of the other. It was only when he placed a kiss on my lips, before leaning towards the nightstand, that I stopped him.

'Will?' His hand moved towards the drawer, resting on the knob, as he looked at me curiously.

'Yeah?' I smiled, moving my hand to rest on his, pulling it away.

'You don't have to.' He frowned, staring at me intently, trying to grasp my words.

'I – What?' I smiled again, letting go of his hand so that he could place it beside me once more.

'I want to try.' He blinked for a few moments. He obviously hadn't expected this, which made me smile again.

'Really?' I nodded, seeing the hope in his eyes. I knew he was trying to refrain from smiling, until he knew for sure that I meant it; that I truly wanted this.

'Really.' It was silent for a moment, before his lips broke into a smile, just a moment before they crashed down on mine.

'You were sure about that, weren't you?' Will asked me a few days later. I nudged him, playfully.

'A bit late for you to ask that now, isn't it?' I smiled. 'I mean, what if I'm pregnant now, but I haven't realized it yet?' He blinked a few times, before I smiled yet again.

'But yes, I was sure. I really wanted it, Will. I've been talking a lot with Dr. Shane the past couple of weeks. I don't think I could ever be more ready than I am now.' He smiled, wrapped his arms around me as we sat in the park close to our home, both of our gazes fixated on children playing nearby, wondering when we would be granted such joy.

'Good. I really don't want to pressure you, you know.' I smiled, but kept silent for a second, revelling in the laughter and joy of those children, wondering when a child of mine would bring a smile to my face as he or she grinned with joy.

'I know.' I snuggled closer against him, enjoying the soft breeze around us, making the temperature more enjoyable.

'And you weren't, so please don't worry.' He wrapped his arms more firmly around me.

'I won't. At least, not anymore.' I laughed, rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

'I love you so much,' Will said, as he rested his head upon mine. I smiled yet again.

'I love you too.' And as the kids kept playing nearby, we remained silent, watching them and letting our minds wander to whatever future kids we might have. I only hoped that it would be in our near future, as the smile on his face when I told him I wanted to try, was so simply breathtaking, I didn't want to wait too long before a smile more beautiful than that one would grace his features upon the news that he would become a father; the father of our baby.


	4. Chapter 4

So so so sorry again for taking so long to upload a new chapter! Being sick (pneumonia), loads of extra working, being tired and a case of a writers block don't really help! But here it - finally - is: chapter 4!

Thanks again to my lovely beta, **Writtenincrayon**, for reading this all through and helping me making it better again. Also many thanks to **Sarah**, **guest**, **MrsWemmaMorrison**, **Ember411** and **MrsEleanorLovett** for reviewing! It really means a lot to see those reviews and it always makes me so happy! Thanks a lot!

Remember to read and review (as it truly makes me happy) and prompts, feedback and everything are very much welcome as well both here and on my tumblr (inekepp dot tumblr dot com) and to those who are interested in reading/following tumblr rp's: in the meantime I have landed the role of Emma at the talking gleeks rp on tumblr. I'd love for you to follow me and/or send me questions over there, as well as looking at my various co-rp'ers from that blog!

Without further ado, the next chaper!

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There was a permanent grin on my face, and whatever Sue said, or whatever else happened, it couldn't be wiped off my face. Many found my mood infectious; Sue found it annoying, but it didn't bother me at all. I was happy, and no-one could take that away from me. I wondered how I could be happier than I was now, when nothing major was happening in my life. Of course, Emma had decided to take that last step, to start trying for a baby, and that itself was already major, but as far as I knew she wasn't pregnant yet, and yet I was floating somewhere on some random cloud, bursting with happiness. I was so proud of her, that she was ready to try; so happy that we were trying in the first place, that somehow my dream wasn't as far away as I thought it was. It made me feel like I was the luckiest man on the earth.

'Mr. Schue!' I walked into the choir room, greeted by the loud voice of Katherine Walker, one of the newest members of the New Directions, as Tina, Sam and Blaine, amongst others, had graduated the previous year.

'Hello to you too, Katherine,' I said, grinning at the girl, who wasn't able to sit still at this moment.

'Is Mrs. S. Pregnant? You two seem so happy and rumour has it that –' She was one of the biggest gossipers in the entire school, determined to be a journalist one day. Or, a paparazzi, as I thought she'd become.

'Err... no, not as far as I know, anyway.' Yet. But I wasn't going to add that, as it would only add to the rumour mill. It was already a decision which had been hard enough for Emma, without anyone prying. I could imagine her stressing over every little symptom which might indicate that she was, indeed, pregnant, already.

'Oh. That's a shame, really. You two would make great parents.' I smiled, as the other members of New Directions seemed to share this idea.

'Yeah, yeah. We didn't come here today to discuss this. We've got Sectionals to work for, so let's get on with it!' I sighed, but tried not to let the kids see. It was horrible, sometimes, when they just assumed stuff that came from the rumour mill was true. But this one was nice to hear… to see them wanting us to have children. I wanted that as well… and now we just had to wait until she was pregnant.

After Glee practise, which went fairly well, I was walking towards Emma's office. I knew we both had a free hour at this moment, and I wanted to spend most of my time with her. She was a bit stressed lately, and tired as well, due to the fact that the year had just begun and she had loads of paperwork to do, students that were stressing out. I wanted to take her mind off of things, to let her relax a bit, maybe help her out.

I was, however, not prepared to see her like this, when I arrived. She almost looked like she was having a full-blown panic attack, and thus I simply ran into her office, not caring about anything else. She had to calm down.

'Em?' She was furiously rummaging through stacks of paperwork, through the pages of her diary, eyes wide and muttering under her breath.

'Emma?' I approached her cautiously, not wanting to startle her. I was afraid that that only make it worse.

'Everything is going wrong. Nothing works. Everyone comes to me with those stupid stories about how their boyfriend broke up in the first week of the holidays and what not and there are so many deadlines and I am so tired and I'm never going to do this right and I am never going to finish it!' I looked at her, my heart breaking. She looked so lost, tired, frustrated…

'Emma… look at me, okay? And take a deep breath…' I was near her now and she just looked at me, with those huge, brown eyes, tearing up.

'I want to, Will… but I can't… I just can't… and there is so much to do and it's just everything at the same time and I'm also late and and…' My brow furrowed when she said that she was late. Late for what? I decided not to press at this moment. Instead, I just pressed my lips to her forehead, holding her lightly, trying to calm her down.

'I know there is, okay? But first, take a deep breath.' I looked her in the eyes and noticed that she was still shaky, panicking, taking sharp breaths. She started shaking her head again, opened her mouth to speak, but before she could I decided to shut her off by pressing my lips to hers. I held her more tightly, as I felt her losing balance as she succumbed to my kiss. I slowly pulled back again, opened my eyes and saw her staring at me with incredulous, big eyes. I smiled.

'Now, take a deep breath, okay?' She nodded slowly, as she did as she was asked. I smiled again, gently lowering her down on her chair, while kneeling in front of her myself.

'I get that this is all kind of overwhelming, okay? And that you have a lot of work to do, but you can't do anything when you're so agitated. So first, take a few deep breaths and then we'll look at what you have to do. If you need any kind of help with anything, just say, okay? You don't have to do everything alone.' She slowly nodded again, her breathing a lot more regular.

'That's my Em.' I smiled again. 'Okay… now that we've got that under control, you could always write down what you have to do in matter of importance. Never forget that you're only a human and that you can only do your best. Just do the best you can today, and then we'll get you to bed early, as you're clearly tired. You need to rest too.' Emma looked at me, eyes still wide.

'But I need to get this done…' I smiled, and took her hand.

'I know that, Em, but if you continue like this, you'll fall asleep above your work.' She licked her lips, nodded.

'Yes… yes… you have a point. I can't have that. I really can't have that… Figgins will kill me if I fall asleep here… and not hand this all in on time.' I slowly rubbed my thumb over her hand, trying to keep her calm.

'Then just take your rest. You can do this, Em.' I gave her a reassuring smile, while she nodded again.

'I'm just a bit behind schedule. I can do this.' I smiled again, knowing how tight her schedule was. A bit behind schedule shouldn't be a problem. It'd only mean that she'd only hand it in two days before the deadline instead of three. No big deal.

'But I'm still late.' She took her hand from mine and started looking through her diary again.

'…I don't get it, Em…' I frowned.

'I should've had it a week and a half ago… I'm never late…' I simply looked at her, while she was staring at the dates.

And then it clicked.

'You're… late… late? As in…' Emma furiously nodded, her red hair bouncing up and down.

'I can't be pregnant. I can't have this on top of this. I'm never late. Oh gosh, oh gosh!' I took a deep, shaky breath and tried to fight the hope I felt.

'It could also come due to all the stress, Em. Normally when you are stressed, it never lasts for long, but this has been eating you up for quite a while now. But you could also take a test, just to be sure.'

'But then I'd have to pee on a stick! And that's just… gross. Really gross!' She started shaking her head.

'That's something for later, okay? We could just get one and then see whether you want to use it or not. You don't have to decide now.' I looked at her, hoping to keep her calm.

'Okay… I think I want to but… it's just… gross…' I smiled.

'I know, Em, I know. Just think about it and we can always get you some rubber gloves to wear… anything that makes it comfortable, okay?'

'Okay… Tonight… You'll be there, right?' I smiled again, and pressed a kiss to her nose.

'Always, Em.'

'Okay… tonight… tonight…' I smiled, when she showed me a reassuring smile. Yet, I was a nervous wreck on the inside. This was going to be a long wait…


	5. Chapter 5

I feel like I've dissappointed you all again. Health problems arose again (though this time not mine. Mum and grandma at the same time and while mum is alright, gran still is not and won't be either.) and that combined with working loads of extra shifts and a holiday to Norway again... leads me to this slow update again.

I am however entirely grateful for all your support and wellwishes and the fact that you guys gave me such lovely and heartfelt reviews that it really made me happy. I can only hope you guys are still able to do so after this slow update, as I love reviews, constructive feedback is always awesome and because I just love to hear your opinion of it all (whether it's good or bad and if it's bad what I could do to make it better).

Thanks again to my lovely beta **WritteninCrayon.** I am so sorry to have been such a slow writer, but your patience seems to be neverending. And also thank you to **Sarah**, **Ember411**, **Bookworm2104** and **MrsEleanorLovett**. I love you for sticking to this story and writing reviews everytime. It means a lot to every writer and I truly appreciate it!

So here's the next chaper, you could say in dedication to Cory, and I hope I'll update faster next time! xx

* * *

As the evening slowly came closer and closer, I felt my anxiety level rise again. What if I was pregnant? Could I handle it? Wasn't it a bit too soon? Would the fact that I was so stressed lately, interfere with everything? Ruin it all? I didn't know if I could handle a miscarriage if I were to be pregnant. It would only happen due to the fact that I was so stressed. I would blame myself for everything, even though I knew Will would do all in his power to make me comfortable. He would make sure I would be relaxing and if that'd all be for nothing… I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't stop those thoughts entering my mind. For me, it'd be one thing already to endure it all, but for him to see his dream shattered if I was pregnant and miscarried soon after… I couldn't bear it. Maybe it was best if I waited.

Luckily Will didn't press. We got tests – as I didn't want to have just one – but I had left them in the bathroom as soon as we got home, and didn't look at it anymore. I was honestly scared and was secretly hoping that my period would show up. I mean, I wanted to get pregnant, I honestly did, but there was so much going on that I feared now was not the right time to get pregnant and have that risky first trimester.

I was lucky to have Will by my side. He made me dinner, drew me a bath and made sure I was relaxed. He spoke about the latest stuff that was going on in the Glee club – mostly drama and new crushes and offered to watch a movie in bed, so that if I were to fall asleep, he didn't have to bring me to the bedroom with the risk of waking me up when I needed sleep so badly anyway.

I happily agreed to it. I knew I was bound to fall asleep halfway during the movie anyway, and this thought proved to be correct. I fell asleep shortly into the movie and woke up somewhere during the night – the menu still showing, proof that Will had fallen asleep during the movie as well. I didn't move to shut down the TV, but instead snuggled closer to Will, trying to fall back asleep.

This proved to be harder than I thought. Not because the TV softly replaying a tune over and over again (as Will apparently had muted the sound while I was asleep), but because of the fact that I was possibly carrying his child with me at this very moment. And while I lay there in his arms that night, I realized that while I might be scared of everything that might change, I needed to know whether I was pregnant or not. I knew that I was going to have Will by my side no matter what, and somehow that thought managed to comfort me a certain way.

And if I didn't know if I was pregnant, and things did go wrong because of all the stress and the fact that I did nothing to make things less stressful for myself, I knew I would never forgive myself if it were to result in a miscarriage. I could not put Will through that kind of hurt. Not as he had lost a child previously (even if she did not exist for real. She had been real for him until he found out and therefore I counted it as losing a child). If I were to be pregnant at this very moment, I would do anything to not put this child at any risk. I had to be careful; start taking all kinds of vitamins and ask Figgins if he could appoint someone to help me with all the work I had at this moment. And I had to find out, even if it meant peeing on a stick.

'Something the matter, Em?' Wills voice was clouded with sleep and he stared at me through tired eyes. I did not know how I'd managed to wake him up and I truly felt guilty for it, but as he stroked my hair, I sighed and turned around so that I could face him properly.

'Did I wake you?' I looked at him guiltily. He smiled and shook his head. 'No. Or at least, not that I think so. Maybe I just sensed that you were awake. You're avoiding the question though, love.' I sighed and placed my hand on his chest.

'Well… I was thinking… you know. I mean… I am really scared and everything but… I think it's wise that… you know… we just knew what's going to happen… if I am pregnant or not and… well… I mean, if I am, I really shouldn't be continuing work like I am now, because I just have so much work to do, which places me under so much stress that I don't think it could be good. If you get what I mean… I mean, I must not be making that much sense, but it's all so much and-' I looked up when Will placed a finger onto my lips and smiled at me.

'Shh. You do make sense, sweetheart. Do you want to try now?' I thought for a moment, before I slowly nodded. I had to know, and if I was indeed pregnant, Will had the right to know too. I wanted him to be happy, ecstatic, even, and I could not wait to see such look on his face. He'd be floating on a cloud, with nothing able to bring him down.

'I do… I think. It's gross but… you don't mind, do you? I mean… it's the middle of the night and well…' Will chuckled.

'Not at all, Em. I mean, I do want you to rest, but we have a few hours left still. Go ahead… I'll be waiting here, as I don't think you'd want me there while you're, you know, taking the test.' I shook my head and climbed out of bed.

'I… uhm… will be right back, then.'

A few minutes, a pep talk and some hand washing later, I emerged from the bathroom. Will sat on the bed, his legs swayed to the side, waiting for me. His hair was unkempt and I wanted nothing more than run my hand through his curls. Anything to make the waiting more bearable.

'Two more minutes,' I whispered as I sat down next to him. Will nodded and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

'Whatever the outcome, Em, do know that I'll love you no matter what. I'd be ecstatic if you are pregnant, but it's also fine if you aren't, okay? As long as you're happy. That's all that matters to me.' I smiled and nodded.

'I love you too, Will.' Silence enveloped us and we just enjoyed each other's presence for a moment, until time had finally passed and the results would be showing.

'Do you want to take a look?' I asked him. He nodded slowly, before kissing my temple again and standing up. I took a deep breath, while he went to get the test. My hands became clammy and not before long, he was back, test in hand, staring from me to the test and back.

'And?' I stared at him, unable to decipher his feelings, to read what was going through him, leaving me even more anxious than I already was.


End file.
